i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
