): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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