I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
zippers are such a cool invention
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
