did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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