Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
