out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
