You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
