so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
