I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
