I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i now understand why vodka
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
