Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
