girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
