I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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