Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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