I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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