last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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