I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
