Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
