the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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