Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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