I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
