I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
