I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
