After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
