apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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