is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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