Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
