how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
