plz talk dirty to me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
