I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
