It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
