therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
