I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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