you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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