dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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