She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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