Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
