Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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