bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
