Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
we're so committed to being not committed
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