he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
