Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
