We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
