I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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