watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
