Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
