He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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