god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
