she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
