the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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