nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
