i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
