Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
