Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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